I have always been described as a 'confident' person. When I started my business this persona served me well, but it also had its downsides. I would speak to people about the business, and they would often say 'I can't do that, i'm not confident like you' this would always frustrate me because inside my head id be thinking 'How the bloody hell do you know how i'm feeling' and also I knew countless individuals that did incredibly well, who most people wouldn't class as 'confident'
So the question I have always ask myself is "What is confidence?", "Is it subjective?" my personal opinion is that it is. We can hide a multitude of insecurities behind a confident exterior. We all know that person, the one that has to be the centre of attention, the first one on the podium on the dance floor.... I know that because that was me. The joker, the 'life of the party' My hidden secrets were a lack of self-belief, lack of self-worth, and the rest.... But I had developed a front one that I comfortably hid behind.
My business changed that. It showed me who I was and what I was really scared but mainly and amazingly what my strengths were, what gave me joy, and what my mission was and I am happy to say that my inner me now reflects the outer me...most of the time.
What I have learnt is that real confidence starts with a decision. It's deciding that today I am going to be and act more confident that I did yesterday. Brendon Burchard says we don't get energy, joy, happiness, we generate it and I think confidence is the same. How do you do that?
1) Look at someone you know who you consider to be a confident person, not the loudest one in the room...but that person that just has that quiet inner confidence. How do they stand? How do they carry themselves. There is a distinct body language to confidence. If you could do it now how would a confident person stand? Maybe they would stand a little taller? Maybe there shoulders would be back. Maybe they would hold there head up a little higher. Maybe they would look someone in the eye. Try it on, see how it makes you FEEL. Your physicality has a huge effect on how you feel. For more on this watch Amy Cuddy's amazing TED Talk on the subject (its called Power Poses)
2) Last weeks blog was all about intention. Intend to be more confident. Building your confidence is like any other muscle. You have to build it, if you are waiting for someone to give it to you, trust me you will be waiting a long time!
3) If you want more confidence in a particular area of your life then increase your knowledge and skill. There is something called the Confidence - Competence loop. The more competent you become the more confident you become. This is why when we say "I can't do that, I don't know how to do it" its so ridiculous. Does a baby say "I'm not walking, I don't know how to do it" NO why as adults do we have to know how to do everything in order to try something new. That mindset will deliver you a very dull life. As humans we feel alive when we are growing and developing. As the saying goes 'You're either green and growing, or ripe and rotting'
4) MOMENTUM -You have to keep going, you have to keep trying. If you feel a bit more confident, then do it again, and again, and again until you no longer have to try. Once you do that with one thing, then apply the same technique to the next thing.
So my challenge to you is to pick one thing. That may be as simple as making eye contact with someone instead of looking the other way and set yourself a daily goal and stick to it.
We are all adults and we are responsible for our own feelings and actions and decisions and intentions. Your in the driving seat. Choose wisely.
Love and Gratitude
P.S If this has helped in anyway and you know someone that may need to hear this message then please share it.