How many times have you said that? To your partner, parent, child, your boss? We women love reciprocity, we love to feel heard.
But how is your listening game? Maybe not as strong as you think it is...Many of us believe we are great listeners but isn't it true that most of the time you are just thinking "what can I say next that will allow me to hold my own in this conversation?" "What story have I got thats similar to this that I can tell next" Just because our mouths aren't moving it does not mean we are listening. As a coach I have had to develop this skill as I too had the tendency to just play story tennis without actually listening to what the other person is trying to communicate.
I have to listen between the lines for what someone isn't saying as well as what they are saying, and the habitual language they use that keeps them locked into a specific way of thinking...
The place this skill has been most effective has been in my relationship with my husband, and its what I want to talk about today.
Imagine if you both let go of the need to be right. I watched a great LIVE by the amazing Melanie Ann Layer and she said "When emotion is high, intelligence is low" If we go into an argument with the intention of being right we have lost already. If we go into a discussion with the intention of a 'win win' resolution surly thats a better way? Always easy? NO. Achievable with practice? YES (most of the time)
So who's right is right? The truth is we are all always 'right' according to our own experiences, upbringing, beliefs & social conditioning. Developing an acceptance that even though you may not agree with the other person it doesn't make them any less right than you are, can be a freeing experience and one that create incredible communication in a relationship.
While ever we are locked in a "You listen to me", "No, you listen to me" battle. No one is listening.
How many times have you had a row and in all that anger and upset you have only seen your viewpoint but once the dust has settled and hindsight kicks in do you say "actually I see your point"
So how do you do this? Today you decide that you will, to the best of your ability, let go of your need to be right and to ALWAYS aim for a win win!
Example " Hey you know what, if this conversation carries on this way then I don't see it ending with either of us feeling good. Your right from your viewpoint and I'm right from mine. Shall we find another way to resolve this or just leave it?"
This is especially effective on totally pointless rows such as "You said you would put the bins out" "No I didn't" "Errrr yes you did...you said ....blah blah blah"
Set this as an intention. Intension setting has been a game changer for me. Tell your brain and emotions how you intend to think, behave, show up, interact, in every situation and you will start smashing the shit out of life!
Emotional intelligence is something I will be talking a lot about. Emotional mastery is something I encourage you aim for. "You are the first domino"
You can do it! xx
If you are ready to up your inner game book a FREE call!